I Don't See It...

Well, here I am....
Three months out from surgery.

• I've got a few new scars.
• I have totally new eating habits.
  
• I'm almost 70lbs lighter.
• I'm wearing clothes in a smaller size.
• Everybody says they see a big difference in my appearance.

Everyone except....
ME!

Logically, I know my body is changing, my old clothes are falling off of me!
I've lost almost 70lbs! Thats a LOT of weight!

But...
When I look in the mirror...
I don't see it.

I guess I feel like I went through and changed so many things...
There should be some dramatic, and visible-to-me, difference.

I'm just not seeing it!
I have kinda been on a quest for change.
I've gotten nails. (as my reward for losing 65lbs)
I changed the color of my hair.
I've gotten some new clothes.

But, it's just not working.
I'm still looking for that "WOW! I look different!!" feeling when I look in the mirror.

I hope it comes soon...

Bandsters Hell... Oh Joy!

It's officially a new year.
And I am officially in, what they call, Bandsters Hell.
Bandsters Hell is when someone who has a Lap-Band in place, but they do not have enough of a fill to give them restriction.
In other words... I can eat as much as I want and the band does not stop it.
I was one of the few lucky ones that didn't enter this phase immediately after getting my band.
I had restriction for the first few months.

But, I have lost 64lbs.
And you don't just lose a layer of fat from your thighs and butt.. but you also lose some of the fat thats around your internal organs...

I lost some of the fat from around my stomach..
Thats a good thing...
But it also made my band looser without the fat to make it tight.

So, here I find myself in The dreaded Bandters Hell.
And... They picked the right name for it!

I'm doing ok so far...
But it's 100% willpower now, and we all know I don't do very well relying on willpower alone, or I wouldn't be this fat to start with!

The Man-of-My-Dreams started a new job last week...
The first paycheck.... I'm Running, NOT walking to get my first fill!
Will keep you posted!

It's Working!!

The Man-of-My-Dreams decided that he was sick of watching me walk around in jeans that were falling off and flapping around.
So... I went to buy a new pair of jeans.

Shopping for clothes has never been something I enjoy very much, I can't stand the "Plus Size" clothes... for some reason the designers have decided that just because I have a big butt, I must want a big red flower across my chest, or horizontal stripes!! (((shudder))
Or... better yet!
Baby Doll shirts that make me look pregnant.
Don't forget the designers that think I should wear teenie-bopper-show-your-middrift-shirts.
Oh Yes.... THAT would look great on a fat chick!

It's frustrating to say the least!

When I entered the store to buy jeans, I was lost.
I mean.. I just lost 55lbs.. I didn't even know what size I was now.

Shhhhh! don't tell anyone, but thenlast jeans I bought (the ones I was wearing) were a size 24.
I grabbed a 22 and tried em on.
They were too big!
I went back and grabbed a 20.
Still too big!!
So I went back for a size 18.
Oh My Goodness!!! They fit perfectly!!!
If anything, They are a smidgen big!
I was in shock!!
The sales lady tried to get me to try on a 16, but I didn't dare!
I was thrilled with my 18's!

I am only buying one pair because soon, They will be too big too.
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have THAT problem!

Things are movin right along!
and I still haven't had my first fill yet!
Lucky Lucky me!

I wouldn't say it's been easy.
But it is definitely doable.
and it's GREAT!

What does "Full" feel like? the Cup v's the Balloon

One of the most frequent questions I get asked about my life after Lap-Band surgery is
"How does "full" feel to you now?"

When I have eaten enough to be "full" it is a totally different feeling than it was pre-band.
Before my band, when I would eat and get "stuffed" it felt like a balloon that was over-filled....
It made me want to un-button my pants.
It was uncomfortable.
But it was all in my stomach.

Now...
After my band, when I eat enough to be full (about 3/4 a cup of food) I don't feel "stuffed", I feel "full".

Instead of a balloon that is ready to burst if I eat any more food...
I feel like a cup that is too full of water and fixing to run over if I add any more to it.

You feel full to
"Here"

My stomach, feels fine, but I literally feel like I cannot swallow another bite, or it just won't go down.
It is strange, but I'm learning.
This is just another one of the changes that I am learning about from my body and the Band.

In case you were wondering...

A Month Out.... with a side of whine.

It's been a month that I've been banded now.
Things are going well, as a matter of fact, we postponed my first fill because I, luckily, have decent restriction now even with nothing in my band.

I can eat between 1/2 cup and 3/4 cup of food before I'm full.
Thats great!

This learning process has been more difficult that I expected.
I have learned that there are some things that my band does NOT like.

• Bread (gets stuck and makes me slime every time!)
• chicken (even when it's tender and juicy gets stuck)
• taking big bites. (even when I don't think they are big)
• eating too fast. (it should take about 30 min for me to eat my 4-6 oz of food)

Now for the unpleasant stuff...

1. Getting stuck.... This is not fun. I know as soon as I swallow if it's gonna be a problem. It is painful. Kinda like your having a heart attack... pain in your chest and it's difficult to take a deep breath. This lasts about 20-30 min. Once you've been stuck, you are 100% convinced that it is something you NEVER want to let happen again!
2. Sliming... Yeah... This is as gross as it sounds! When I get stuck or eat too fast, I slime... You know right before you throw up and you start to salivate like crazy? Well.. thats what happens. I guess it's my body's response to thinking something is stuck... when you swallow the (what seems like) gallons of saliva it gets really REALLY thick... kinda snotty and stringy... and if you burp it up or throw up, it's just nasty! (I warned you it was the unpleasant part!)

It's all part of the learning curve.
I do NOT regret getting my band.

I do, however, wonder if I will ever really "enjoy" food again.

Right now, I have to be so totally aware of every aspect...
- did I chew it well enough?
- did I take a small enough bite?
- Am I eating show enough?
- is this a band-friendly food?

I miss just enjoying the food...
But, I guess thats part of the reason I needed to get my band in the first place...
I enjoyed food TOO much!

I am down 46lbs this morning...
I'm wearing clothes that haven't fit in years!
so I ain't complaining!

...well, maybe just a little bit...
But it's all gonna be worth it!


More soon.....
Thanksgiving should be interesting....

Two week Update.

It's been two weeks since my band was put in place.
I feel great!

I was surprised at how long it took me to feel "normal" again.
I got tired really quickly, But that makes sense...
My body was working on healing and I wasn't getting a ton of nourishment during the liquid phase of the diet.

I started "Mushy" foods yesterday, (one day early)
You have no idea how wonderful it was to eat real food!
I had oatmeal for breakfast, half a cup and I was stuffed.
Blended tuna salad for lunch, half a cup.
and for dinner....
Homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes! 1/3 cup potatoes and 1/4 a slice of meatloaf....
I was in heaven!! and I was stuffed!

Everyone is telling me to prepare for my weight loss to slow, stop or for me to even gain a pound or two while my body adjusts to food again and I get to go for my first fill.
We'll see.
I have been losing and gaining the same 1lb over the past three days and that is not much fun!
But I expected it, I'm excited for the weight loss to begin in earnest again after my first fill.

so far I'm down 40lbs in a little over a month!
I can't complain about that!

More soon....

Healing.

I'm 5 days post-band.

Healing is going well, except I really wish they would figure out a way to remove more of the gas that they pump you up with when they preform abdominal surgery.

I feel like I'm 8 months pregnant and pumped up like a beach ball.
Without the uncomfortable bloating from this excess gas, I'd feel great!
And it's absorbing a little more every day.

I'm still on a full-liquid diet for the next week or so, thats the hard part!

I'm getting really sick of sweet things.
Almost everything I can eat is sweet.
protein shakes
drinks
sugar-free Jello
Sugar free pudding
sugar free ice-pops

you can only drink so much broth!

There are times I feel really hungry and my stomach is growling wanting some real food.
But most of the time, it's "head hunger".

I mean, I became this fat for a reason....
NOT because I only ate what my body needed to survive and be healthy...

I ate because I like it!
I enjoy food!
I enjoy cooking and eating with friends and family.
I ate when I was upset,
I ate when I was bored.
I ate when I was happy and celebrating.
I ate out of habit.

This is where my band will come into play.
These bad habits of mine won't go away....
But now I have the tool to help me keep the amount of food I consume under control when I DO eat.

I've been pretty grumpy about the liquid diet stage,
Until I hopped onto the scale this morning and saw I've lost almost 40lbs since I started my pre-op diet!

I'm on my way!!!

Banded!

My band was put in place Tuesday.
The surgery went off without a hitch.

When the Man-of-My-Dreams and I got to the hospital my nerves kicked in big time.
Waiting in the waiting room before they called me back didn't help much.

Then I got to put on my oh-so-very-stylish hospital gown and got ready.
The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me and he made me feel so much better.
It didn't hurt that he was a cutie pie!
I told him he could give me whatever he wanted and I'd be fine with it.

After a quick hug and kiss from the Man-of-My-Dreams, I was off to the OR.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery room.
I had a wonderful nurse there with me who kept saying what I great attitude I had, I think it was just because I kept making jokes tho...

After I was more awake they walked me over to a cool x-ray thingie and had me do a swallow test, you could actually see the liquid go through your system and band, they don't want to send you home until they are sure your not too swollen to allow liquid past your band.

They went and got the-Man-of-My-Dreams, he helped me get dressed and we were outta there!
Once we got back to the hotel, I spent most of the day sleeping off the good drugs Dr. Cutie gave me in the OR.

I felt better than I thought I would.
Yes, there is pain. But nothing like I expected!
It's amazing how much holding a small pillow over your tummy helps after surgery!

I have 5 small incisions.
The largest one (maybe an inch and a half long) is where they placed my port. It is the most painful, which is understandable, because they stuck something in there and left it in there!

Wednesday I had more pain.
It's amazing how much you use your abdominal muscles!
Once they have been cut, you realize it!

We are back home and I'm recovering well.
I feel like I've been hit by a Mac Truck, but it's tolerable.

This is the beginning of my new life!
Every change, even for the better, hurts.. right?