Hi! My name is Dana, and I'm fat.
Not phat... but FAT.
This is my journal of what I hope will be my permanent weight-loss journey.
I have lost hundreds of pounds over my lifetime, always to gain them right back.
I have tried every diet known to man.
I have tried every pill.
I have eaten less & moved more.
etc etc etc...
After years of research and prayer and thought, I have decided that I want to get the Lap-Band.
Not as an "easy fix" because, if you have actually researched the Lap-Band, you know there is nothing easy about it.
I have let my weight have way too much control over my life.
I have lost the happy, perky, energetic, confidant Dana and become depressed and withdrawn.
I hide it well, but it's true.
When I walk into a room, I quickly scan the crowd hoping to see someone fatter than me. (like that will make me feel better)
I have made up excuses to get out of going to functions with life-long friends and even family members, because I am so ashamed of my weight.
I have disappointed my children because I have not attended school functions and ceremonies, because I don't want to risk them being ridiculed because they have such a fat mommy.
I am no longer the "fun" mom.
I'm the fat mom who has no energy to get out and run and play with them...
They deserve so much more.
I have even let it affect my marriage. I don't let my very loving and supportive husband see me without my clothes, I push his hand away when it lands on a fat roll.
I don't know how long he can stay supportive when it does no good...
He deserves so much more.
I am miserable.
I often have to force myself to get anything done.
I don't bother with make-up often, why bother?
Cute clothes? Please! Give me a super-sized T-shirt and jeans to try to hide my body...
I deserve so much more!
I could lose the weight, again, then what?
I guess I just want a way to make my weight a less defining part of my life.
It is always in front.
It's always whats seen first.
It's always the first thing on my mind.
I just do not want this to become my life-long struggle.
I want to do the work and actually have it last for longer than a month!
I am not scared of working towards my goal.
Thats not the problem...
I just wish I could bust my butt reaching that goal and have some glimmer of hope that it might last.
It's just so discouraging to have a tiny piece of victory to have it fade away as soon as I relax a little bit.
more soon...
UPDATE here
40 (re-do)
9 years ago
thats great!! Sounds like me!
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling. What changed for me was discovering the low carb food plan. I was always blinded by thinking it meant no carbs......what it meant was LOW carbs. Lots of vegetables and low carb fruits included! I lost 12 pounds on my first week but I really think the key for me was no sugar or bread products. Also the chair dancing exercise program. What is your plan?
ReplyDeleteWell Dana congrats on what you have decided to do. It is a big step in your life and you want to do it for the right reasons and not the wrong. I hope you succeed at it and keep us up to date on your progress. God Bless you from Ohio.
ReplyDeleteSandy Brewer
Congratulations on coming out of the closet.
ReplyDeleteHere is to wishing you well and no bad side effects.
Sounds like you have thought out all the consequences and have not come to this decision lightly. Good luck.
Don't forget the before picture. It will really inspire you later. I know I hate getting in front of a camera too but do it.
ReplyDeleteHow Exciting!!!! My SIL has had this done and is a different person! Same sweet heart but has energy & stamina to move and do! It has had a positive effect on every area of her life. God Bless & Good luck! Progress photos monthly were her biggest encouagement.... month 3 look at the start photo, month 4 look at month 1 & 2..keep the prior aside.
ReplyDeleteI agree, do the before photo and save a pair of pants. It will give you inspiration!
ReplyDeletePrayers for you as you go through the surgery. Take it a day at a time.
Wishing you all the best Dana! Remember to take a before and after pic and save something for inspiration!
ReplyDeleteI've tried to loose weight and I was successful with loosing 10 pounds. Then we had to put our dog down and my husband got hurt not even a week after that and well, my 10 pounds came back!
I don't eat as much during the day and I drink water (life water, flavored water, etc) no calories in that, so that's my drink and I eat yogurt for snack if I don't have fruit.
With my husband home, none of that took place. lol Now that he's back to work, my diet starts all over again.
I was the same way Dana, I just had gastric bypass surgery on 8/24/09.
ReplyDeleteIt is not an easy thing, but in the long run I know that I will be much healthier and happier.
I have been blogging some of my life and weightloss journey too. @ jarheadsbaby.blogspot.com
Congratulations. I know what a hard decision it can be; I was a candidate and decided against it because even with the new safer procedures the chances of getting me off the operating table were only 10%. They were afraid because of my connective tissue disorder that the band would slip or cut the organs entirely.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, I look forward to seeing you succeed.
Gawd,I hope you didn't go through ith it- awful thing. I mean it is hard to keep weight off but make it a discipline. Or find out why you want to eat so much.
ReplyDeleteAlso I think your pictures from 2009? you look beautiful and healthy and gorgeous ..